Polly's Top 25 Games of All Time
by Polly

What Ninja Gaiden started back on the NES with trying to give games more narrative and a cinematic feel, Metal Gear Solid solidified as a standard by which most videogames would adhere to after its monumental release in 1998. It would also make stealthing in action games mainstream. After 1998, and almost ten years later, it's almost god damn impossible to find a game that doesn't have SOME kind of stealth element seemingly tacked on in the last couple days of development just for the sake of having it. That's not saying that other stealthy games haven't been good, but MGS did it right and kept doing it right.

Metal Gear Solid is basically a highly elaborate hide and seek simulator mixed with ka-razy stories about genetic manipulation, nuclear warheads, and LOVE ON THE BATTLEFIELD. The object of the game is to simply avoid as much combat as possible by slipping by most enemies quietly as setting off an alarm unleashes the fury of an entire army that'll actively hunt you down like the Snake you are and shoot your fucking face off. That's not to say you can't duke it out with them, because it is entirely possible, but you'll have a much easier time of things by being a little pussy. Especially at the Extreme difficulty, trust me.

It is mostly about the story here, and it's a damn good one. Anything that falls out of Kojima's insane fucking skull is okay by me. I even like MGS2's ending! But where most games fail at trying to integrate an intricate story with compelling gameplay, MGS manages to succeed and has ever since the first game's release.



Oye... The game that looks to have made a fuckton of damn lists this time around, so if you're not fucking sick of reading about it, I know I am. You can probably recite every one of the game's merits by heart at this point, so I won't even bother. Instead, I'll relate another one of my real life tales of playing it.

I played through Final Fanstasy III with an on and off group of friends my first time through. It was a cool little idea of having other people to control the varying members of your party in battle. Nowhere near as fun and awesome as it was in Secret of Mana, but we still had fun nonetheless. I always had to be Sabin, because my controller-inept friends could never input the Blitz maneuvers properly. I think they were lysdexic. Oh God, it's a joke, calm down and put down the torches and pitchforks.

We spent the better part of a month making it through the game till the end. After that, I spent the better part of the next two weeks maxing out every character to lv99, learning every spell for every character, equipping the best possible Espers before a level up in order to have the most ridiculously overpowered party ever, and finishing up every fuck sidequest and finding every damn hidden item I could. I then proceeded to march into Kefka's domain and melt off his fucking face.

Blah, blah, blah, Final Fantasy III is great.



If I were to try and make a list of my favourite Contra games, I fear my brain and all bodily functions would shut down just as I entered hour seventeen of trying to rank #5-#1. My position on this changes CONSTANTLY, and by the time I'm finished writing this, it'll have likely changed AGAIN.

Is it Super C for being the first truly hardcore hard console version? Is it Shattered Soldier for breathing life back into a series that was near a flatline? Is it the original console relase of Contra for NES, that brought finely-tuned, perfect simultaneous 2 player action to so many lives for the first time? How about Operation C for being an overlooked gem that combined all the wonderful elements from the first two games? FUCK!

For now, anyway, (and on the last version of this list as well), the answer is Contra: Hard Corps. The only Contra game to grace a Sega console (until Legacy of War).

Hard Corps takes some of the elements that Contra III: The Alien Wars introduced to the series (over the top crazy boss battles and the ability to hold multiple weapons at once), mixes in a couple borrowed elements from Gunstar Heroes, and adds its own little bit of flavor to the mix to create the greatest 16-bit iteration of the series. For once you aren't just stuck playing as Bloo Dood and Red Dood! You now have 4 very different characters to play around with at your disposal and each character has their own unique set of weapons consisting of old favorites and some brand-new stuff to play around with. This adds a lot more dynamic to the usually straightforward Contra formula. Even characters' height and jumping/sliding abilities are varied a bit forcing you to use each character somewhat differently in each situation.

You also get a bit of a story this time around. Admittedly it's fairly simple, but entertaining enough to us action film junkies nonetheless. With that story comes the ability to make decisions that affect where the story goes. These choices often lead you to discovering different stages you've never played before and should you be lucky enough to actually beat it, you'll get to see one of the game's six possible endings.

Hard Corps also takes the "HUEG BOSS" idea that Contra III introduced and just fucking runs with it. Every stage is packed to the top with huge and creative boss fights. The jungle fight with Deadeye Joe could be considered one of the most awesome boss fights in series history. Just don't let off the trigger when you see these fuckers start to exploding and smoking, because nine times out of ten they're gonna be back up and in your face a good two or three more times before finally giving up the ghost. They're hard. Some might consider them insanely hard. Fuck, the Japanese version of the game gives the player a three hit lifebar because someone obviously thought shit was too hard. But the truth of the matter is, everything comes down to a pattern and after facing a boss 2-3 times, you get a pretty good feel for how he works. That's how the entire game works. It could be said that's how Contra works on the whole, really.

I think what makes this game so memorable is all the time I spent playing it with my small group of elite Contra partners. We've become an unstoppable juggernaut in every Contra game we tackle, but it's always the ride to becoming that good at the games that makes everything feel worth it. I can't fathom how long it took us to dissect and master each and every boss in this game, only to find a new path to try out and a new stage or two to master. We ate Doritos, laughed, and cursed those god damn alien bastards until we uncovered every single ending the game had to offer. Then we'd set ridiculous challenges for ourselves, such as not picking up any special weapons at all just to keep things going.

All that and I didn't even mention the graphics which pushed the hell out of the Genny hardware at the time or the hard-hitting techno soundtrack that helps push the acton to 11! You should be ashamed if you're an action gamer and you've never given this one a whirl. You little fucking girl.



I spent two months of a summer busting my ass in the 100 degrees heat working a shitty summer job that involved picking up litter, edging grass out of sidewalks, and helping haul and unload dirt just so that I could be sure I would have money to buy this game the day it came out. Though I earned around to $800 on that job, only $80 of it was important. I guess I could have busted my ass mowing lawns or something to pick up the $80 I needed sooner, and that probably would have made more sense now that I think about it. But when did a 15 year old EVER have a clear thought and what teenager would turn down that kinda money? There was a lot of fun had that summer, after the paychecks rolled in, and even more fun that morning I rolled up to the mall at 9:30am waiting for EB to open so I could run in and be the first to demand this game.

My first day with this game, I guess it came pre-packaged with some kind of Death Grip-o-Matic 99000, because there was literally no way to tear myself away from it. By 1:00am, I was already saying to myself "Okay, I'll just get to the next save point and quit for the night." And then it just kept going. " I'll just beat the upcoming boss, I can't go to sleep with THAT on my mind." "Well, I'll just fight some doods in this area and upgrade all my equipment so I'm ready for the next area." It just kept going, and going, and going, and going!

By 3:00am, I was in Magus' Castle farming the enemies you can fight prior to facing Flea and Slash for Mid Ethers to sell for a heap of cash. Then I decided I needed another 99 to have for my own personal use. Then some characters were lagging behind a bit on learning Techs... FUCK! I soldiered on deciding to go ahead and scope out the rest of the castle and see how this whole Magus fight would play out. I figured, "Alright, beating Magus will be a huge milestone, surely I can quit after that!"

Once the almighty Magus fell, I figured there'd be some kind of save point nearby that I could use and honest to god just QUIT FOR THE NIGHT. Then the events that occur after Magus' defeat only intrigued me further. I was finally able to pry myself away from the game at around 5:00am a little ways into the next dungeon. I was finally too pooped to care about what might lie beyond. It'd have to wait until tomorrow....or 8:00am when I'd wake up and marathon the little fucker some more.

And that's pretty much how it's always been with me and Chrono Trigger. I coulda wasted the last few paragraphs going over the amazing graphics, the fuckawesome battle system, or the beautiful soundtrack, but everyone KNOWS all that shit by now. Chrono Trigger is deserving of all the praise that gets lavished upon it. It's THE legend of the J-RPG genre.

Sweet and beautiful RPG perfection. I dare you to find something wrong here. You can't. This is the RPG I hand to those who have never touched an RPG before or never liked them and tell them to go to town. In every instance I've done this, the person has always returned to me 3-4 days later to tell me just how right I was. Because I'm always fucking right. I'm as right as Chrono Trigger is fuckawesome. All the time.

Needless bragging: I have a still factory sealed copy of Chrono Trigger for SNES as well thanks to my grandma buying me a copy for Christmas the same year I busted my ass to get it.



A surprise to anybody at this point? I should think not.

Finally, we have arrived. Here it is. The greatest game ever. No arguments. Super Metroid has been at the top of ANY kind of "best games" list I've ever made on a forum, site, whatever since its release. It is THE pinnacle of games, the altar at which I worship, the one thing I hope they have in Heaven, else I'd rather just go to Hell instead.

Super Metroid is a lot like my first sexual experience with another individual. Only more electronic... I took it back to my room and took a few moments anxiously studying the packaging wondering when I should make my first move. A few minutes later, I began slowly and carefully stripping away its outer layer making sure not to disturb the delicate layers underneath. With the outer packaging gone, all that remained was to slip the last couple of hinderances away and admire the beauty that had been previously hidden. I proceeded to power her up ever so gently, admiring that subtle glow she gave off. As I played around a bit, things were a tad awkward at first. I got lost once or twice in the beginning, but quickly found my way back to where I needed to go after a little fumbling around. After a little over an hour, I found myself feeling things I'd only felt by myself in my room at 2am when everyone else was asleep. Four hours later, I was still in awe at what I was experiencing. I still found myself getting a little lost every now and then, but the path always revealed itself to me in the end. Suffice to say, sleep came quite easily that night, but I still found myself wanting more.

Then I woke up and fucked her brains out the next morning too.

Wow! That was more awkward than I thought it'd be! Awful long way to go to try and make a point, huh? Well it's 3am in the fucking morning and I've been at this all day, what the hell else do you want?

I don't know what more I could say. Super Metroid is (ALMOST) as good as sex, plain and simple. I think if I were ever in a situation where I could have sex AND play Super Metroid at the same time, my heart and brain might just give out entirely (and probably scar whoever was with me for life.) I can't think of a better way to go, though.

Now that I got all that out of the way, I guess I should explain WHY Super Metroid is the greatest game ever. I think words might actually fail me in this situation, but let's have a stab at it anyway.

There's just sort of an unspoken bond of love between me and this game. Gameplay-wise, yes, it's fantastic. It's not exactly the hardest game ever, as most enemies tend to be fodder or there for you to use in creative ways. A couple of bosses can be real pains in the ass, but other than that the game's not all that difficult. It's mostly about exploring the dark world you've been thrust into and Super Metroid pulls off more atmosphere than any 16-bit game ever came close to. Using fantastic visuals and some top-notch audio work, they were able to make you feel like you were really wandering around alone on a dangerous alien planet where anything you can imagine might be lurking behind the next door.

It's a game I've not been able to put down since I got it shortly after it released. I still manage to play through it 2-3 times a year and there's just not a whole lot of other games that have done that to me. I've beaten this game every way imaginable, whether it be speed runs, low % runs, you fucking name it. I've tried it all. It's an obsession. A sick, sick, obsession that will haunt me forever and I don't mind one damn bit.

Yes, I'm gushing. In more ways than one. Oh God, I'm terrible!